A Change of Blogging site

I have a new blog site it is http://mikeysthoughts.wordpress.com. So please adjust your blog roll if applicable. Thanks for viewing and reading this blog site, more exciting things to come on the other site. 

in Christ Jesus our Lord,

Mike

The Quilt of My Life

The elevation of the woes of this life have subsided. I do not mean that they have gone away, for that would mean that I have left this place of human conscience to enter into the realm of God's celestial  shores of serenity. At this moment I am not feeling the pressure of all collapsing on me like that of ones oxygen being drained from its life source. 

I must confess I realize that pressure is a good thing and I among others ought to embrace it for it shows us truly who we are and who we are not. There have been many that have stated that truth, but it is one that ought to be revisited at least once a day if not shortly there after, for the reason that we believe we arrive well before we actual have. Even when we arrive to an understanding of ourselves or of the circumstance we still really have not arrived, at least in my perspective. I am considering the words of the Apostle Paul when he stated that, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." (1 Cor. 13:12) There will be a day I believe with great conviction that I will know fully as I am known fully by God my Lord, Savior, and Creator.

The uncertainty of this life has proved itself once again of a young man leaving this world in an manner that was peaceful, but sudden. It happen sudden and unpredictable, nevertheless the life that was lived was not in vain, nor did the persons toil come to an utter end, the end of the persons toil is lay before us in his legacy in the foundations that was laid upon the Rock, who is Jesus our Lord. My heart and prayer concerts that of those most effected by this sudden tragedy. 

I state the previous antidote for a purpose of a story I was told a few days removed from today. The story is of a lady that reached the Heavenly places and found herself quilted her life story among others one day in heaven. Then an Angel was passing by and ask to see what she has done and to see if it was completed to present to the Master. The lady was ashamed for her quilt was ragged and had holes in it, and not matter what she did she could not cover up those holes. She was also fearful (in heaven..) due to that the others quilts were made with gold threads, sliver, and precious colors. The Angel insisted in seeing despite her protest. He held it up, her eyes fell with shame, but what she heard was gasps of awe and wonderment. When she raised her head she saw that those holes she could not cover up or fix, the face of Christ filled the holes. Not only did He fill them, He face radiated the quilt beyond compare. The Angel replied to the lady, the Master will be well pleased with this quilt, take courage and hope for He is truly your all in all.

This story spoke to me of God's provision of His Son to help me fill the holes in my life when I can not do it myself, which is about everyday. It is a story of hope, a story to tell us that faith is required of us each day no matter how bumpy or non bumpy or road is at that moment. For in my life I lose hope, lose faith, lose perspective for I get caught up in the attempting to fixing one hole and then see another hole appear and try to fix it at the same time. I guess you can say it is like playing twister by yourself and your spinning the dial to see what color you ought to touch next. Wow! We would never do such a thing in the game for it is impossible, but the contrary is true if we step back in trying to fix the holes in our own power, but rely on His to aide to fix matters that we could never. I am not saying we ought to become lethargic in this approach we are to be active of our actions, but the Lord will help change hearts, change situations, change perspective as we surrender to His will. 

I am convince that these holes that appear in our quilts is merely the trials of life. Some are larger than others due to us involving only ourselves to fix them verses those that are smaller due to that we saw it fit to seek God's aide on the onset on the initial tear. I know for a fact I will have some large holes to come, but I hope that I will see my folly quicker and again surrender to the Master craftsman to aide to the repair of this beautiful quilt that one day will be on display for all of the Kingdom to see His face instead of mine. 

Remebering When....

There are moments in time when memories surface some funny, some sad, and some you think why in the world did that happen, or what was I thinking. Well tonight as I was watching for I do not know the 36th time, the movie Colors. If you have not seen it is was a movie in the late 80's or early 90's that dealt with the issue of gangs in L.A. Well what spark the momentary flashback, was the seen when one of the young men wanted to be jumped into his Neighborhood set or known as the barrio. I remember when I was approached to join a gang in the 9th grade. Yes this white boy was ask to join a Latino gang. Prior to this request I was apart of little group called a posse, so I had somewhat of a reputation, not one of great proportions, but some knew me. Well I remember when I said sure why not, what do I have to lose, I was looking for friends, a group to belong to. My initiation was like most gangs at that time you get jumped in. Basically you fight 3 or more guys to prove you can hold your own. Stupid, yes, but other cultures have other rights of passages to that you might think are stupid, nevertheless people do them to have a sense of belonging and achieving status within that group. We can discuss the sociological and psychology of this later. There I was in the guys restroom at Alder Jr. High taking on 3 guys throwing punches, pushing guys off me, being thrown into the stalls. It was a melee for about 2 minutes or so, I remember all I was doing smiling and laughing thinking wow is this all what there is to this. So at the end of it, I now belong to a set in little ol' Fontana. Really what was I thinking? Why didn't just join a sports team to belong? I came from a middle-class family at that time. I lived in a nice neighborhood. So why? What was the pull to that life? How could I be so selfish and endanger my family? Well to answer those questions, I look back and really didn't care at that moment if I did endanger my family, if I was being selfish. The pull was I look up to those guys that where in my classes, in my school, in my neighborhoods. I wanted to be like them, I did not want to be like my own family. What was the point they were selfish, meaning my parents. Always wanting things there way and I do not mean how they wanted chores done in the house. In how the related with each other and us kids. So I thought I be selfish as well. When one day I saw that what I needed to do for the set I belong to could one day harm my sisters, ones that I did care about, I decided to back out. Well if anyone knows something about gangs you just simply just do not walk away. Thankfully that the set I was apart of was still small and new it had no real structure to carry out discipline upon its members. though they did jump me to have me not "rank out" or back down for the set. But I was able to walk away without any repercussions. 

Why blog about this time in life? The reason is my past is riddle of moments in which I have try to fit into other crowds of people to feel a sense of belonging. I never had that sense when I was growing up in my home. Yeah I knew I belonged for I was a son and there were parents, but never felt that there was solidarity in the family. Do you know what I mean? Now  fast forward 18 years that sense still exists today with some family members. Mostly in regards to my mother. Most tell me she is your mom, you need to love her and honor her, for that is God command to you. I hear that, but I just don't see how I can honor someone that is not worth honoring. I know that sounds harsh, but if one could watch the film tapes on her behavior and actions one can conclude what I have concluded. I am really struggling in this area, for I want to but it is hard. Most likely due to a harden heart that does not want to be hurt anymore. But seriously it has been 7 years since I spoke with her. The reason being is that she still harbors ill feelings towards my father and kept bringing us children into the middle of those feelings. I said until she deals with those feelings and seeks reconciliation with my father, not in marriage for she has remarried, but forgives and seeks forgiveness I am going to stop all communications. Well I have live by my words and stood by a principle that many have question and I do at times. I am asking should I reach out again? Should I reach out and keep the same context as before? Should I just let her be and let God move her to reconcile relationships with my father... with me? I am just lost in drowning thoughts... What a way to start a fresh new year, huh? I just feel at this moment in time I never really was apart of my mothers community. 

Unforgettable...

Well I have been putting this post off for to long now. It is another review of a previous year that went better than I expected, but had those reliable hip-cups in life. Where to start lets go to the blessed points, then the not so blessed well as of yet... (these are not in any particular order)

Blessed....

1. New direction in working towards of being a steward of a business - Coffee House Style.

2. Ministry to the young men and women has been a blast at CFA.

3. Church life has been awesome, seeing a healthily model strive to serve the Kingdom

4. Settled on attempting a Master's in Christian Ed./maybe a Master of Business, one thing at a time.

5. Having family attending Church with me, this stokes me every Sunday. 

6. Connecting with old friends and hearing of their journey.

7. Having a mentor to help guide in life

8. Learning what is means to prudent, wow what a lesson I am learning

9. Friendships growing every day, I am a blessed man for those friends.

10. Growing in Fatah, an area I struggle

Not so Good....

1. Not in full-time youth ministry, God directs even when it is not your plan.

2. The elusive full-time gig

3. Losing friends.

4. Death in the family

5. No where limit the bleeding of debt.

6. The elusive lady friend... God bring her quickly...

Well it is sweet to see that the blessed is out weighing the not so good. I am seeing this unfolding this year is already not going how I envisioned it. I guess that is a good thing, for my plans might not really survive the test of time. I am excited in what God is doing in me at the moment, though is a bit painful, but it's implications will be for the betterment of where He is leading. I look forward to expounding on my difficulties and blessed moments as this year unfolds. Until then enjoy that cup of Joe and live in community. 

Like Father, Like Son

There was a movie many moons ago when I was a pre-teenager called Like Father, Like Son. It stared Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron (1987). The plot of the movie was a gender switch of Freaky Friday. Well the movie portrayed both characters as the dad being a stuffy doctor and the son being lazy and unmotivated (sound like any modern day family). The story unfolds to describe both the father and son as they begin to understand each other through their particular struggles each face as a professional and a student. I remember watching it and thinking if only my dad could understand who I am and what I am about. To be honest, I did not want to know truly who he was or about, for at the time, like most pre-teenagers was at odds with pops. Be that as it may, fast forward 21 years later, just a bit over 2 decades I have realized in one conversation with my father that we are so much more alike then I ever had imagine.

The similarities range from personality, to personal experiences in school, to how we process information. I was listening to my father I was chuckling inside and out loud of the things he experience in his youth, and thought I am replaying deja vu moments of my youth. At that moment I thought how weird is this that a man I knew, but barely knew as a kid, developed the same walk of life. It is also not a surprise on the other hand, for we truly in many respects become like our parents whether good or bad. I think all we can do is hope that we take the good and discard the bad or change the elements to allow us to become more effective citizens of the Kingdom of God.

I remember growing up and in my 20's that my aim was to divorce myself from all that my father was in personality, character, person and etc., but as I sit here and type these words, I am believing how wrong were my thoughts. God knitted me specifically in my mother's womb with the DNA make-up of my parents to create a one of kind person in me (thank God that mold is done with.. lol). For I a product of the specific details of my parents in genetics as well in how they handle life as it was work out in front of me.

Now what is generally the question most will ask, well for me, I am going to be doing what I know what I am to do, but this insight illuminates more of how God crafted me and why I was born into the family I was, though I dislike the painful experiences, but I am becoming grateful for the family I am part of for from it I came to be and the man I am becoming.

I hope this personal anecdote helps bring in perspective we are mirror representations of our parents, whether good or bad we ought to embrace that God purposely placed us in that place for reasons greater than us. At least that is where I am with it.

Only You (God)...

Hello to all my dear friends... my last post was about understanding my draw to those God is leading me to minister too. I must state this understanding always is developing into something that appears to me overwhelming to complete or even start. Hey I am just saying that I know my tendencies and that I am a person that doubts himself, just being honest. However I do know this that no matter my tendencies and even the doubt of myself fades away to the assurance of the Lord that He will complete what He started within me (Phil. 1:6).

In the last few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions of personal and ministry related issues that I am walking through. Not to add on top of those issues being a transitional period in life of where to go to graduate school, finding suitable employment and being proactive in finding a helpmate. So I have been drawn into the music and the lyric simplicity of David Crowder. I will say this with emphatic tone, this man is blessed by God in his music and lyric writing. I am come to be in awe of God's gifting in this young man, hear me rightly... I praise God for his ability not David Crowder. Though David has been obedient to use it rightly unto God. Anyways, the song that puts everything into perspective for me is Only You. The lyrics I have added to this post. I encourage you as I have been doing, reading, listening and making this a prayer to God for Him to take control no matter what the outcome may be in our situations. I am confident that it will bless you.

One thing I am learning is breath deeper and knowing that God is closer than I think.



Only You, by David Crowder (Illuminate)

Take my heart, I Lay it down

At the feet of you whose crowned

Take my life, I’m letting go

I lift it up to You who’s throned


And I will worship You, Lord

Only You, Lord

And I will bow down before You

Only You Lord


Take my fret, take my fear

All I have, I’m leaving here

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams

Be all my delights, be my everything


And It’s just you and me here now

Only you and me here now


You should see the view

When it’s only You

Understanding my draw through the Curves...

It has been a long while since I have posted something, this post will be connected to the last on community. As a graduate removed about a year or so, I have been in a place where I have been asking a lot of questions from: Why in the world am I not able to live on my own?; Why is it hard to find a newer job where I can make descent money? Where are you God? Can I continue down this road? When am I going to find that special woman? When am I going to get ahead?... There is a list that could gone for a long, long, long time in a galaxy far away from here, but I won't bore you all with those. Have you notice a theme in those questions (questions that wrong to ask, but it is the tone I have been asking them in towards people and towards our Lord Jesus), it is all about ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME....

I realize this not a shock to any of my close friends, for they can tell you when I am all about me, and not much else. Though I try hard not to make it about me, but at the end of the day, it is about me and my selfish wants.

What does this have to do with understanding my draw? What is your draw Mike? Well I am about to tell you, first my draw is to the Heart of God, "the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;" Ps. 19:8

This is what has allowed me to come to this conclusion this far, and I tell you honestly if God allowed to be a pit viper I would be dead by now... I have had a passion for youth for a long time, probably since I was in high school, I knew then I wanted to work with students, did not how or in what manner. Then my 20's hit, man they were a blur, like a 1960's acid trip party, where did they go. Around my mid twenties I sense I had a passion for College age students as well, maybe I was just graduating with those high schoolers, maybe not. Then as God would have it, he brought me to a place a small place in a Upland area, where I can see now that God started to reveal more of what it is I am to do. Simply and shortly put... Family Ministry, Youth, and College. Why? Well If anybody has read one of my first posts, they can assume that my life as a child suck, it did mostly. I have always wonder what a normal family was like, or as normal as we can make it, but a better statement is thus, what is true community, how does this play out in Church, Society, and individuals. There is no place more essential then a family to understand as parents, children, young adults, mature adults, relatives of all kinds, fictive included how community it lived out.

It is in these settings that followers of Jesus Christ, aka Christians, should, need to, have no choice, better do it, or else, display community. I know your mind is racing with: what does this look like, how is this done, how does the larger Church play in this role, etc... I am not saying I have any answers, for in myself I have no wife, nor children I am raising, but what I am saying is that I understand this is the target group in which my focus will be on. I do know that as I humble myself before the Lord, He will direct my path in how to discover answers to people's questions, and even the ones I have.

I am grateful for the many brethren that have help formed and shaped me into the man I am today, I know without that community of brethren I am could not be here today typing this blog in this fashion. So if any of you are reading this, THANK YOU for giving to the Lord, in which was given to me. Wow I have said a lot, that is what I get for not posting in along time. The adventure began 32 years ago, and it is still on going, I am looking forward to what is in store.

I leave with this... " In a Christian community everything depends upon whether each individual is an indispensable link in a chain. Only when even the smallest link is securely interlocked is the chain unbreakable." Dietrich Bonhoeffer, from Life Together