The Quilt of My Life

The elevation of the woes of this life have subsided. I do not mean that they have gone away, for that would mean that I have left this place of human conscience to enter into the realm of God's celestial  shores of serenity. At this moment I am not feeling the pressure of all collapsing on me like that of ones oxygen being drained from its life source. 

I must confess I realize that pressure is a good thing and I among others ought to embrace it for it shows us truly who we are and who we are not. There have been many that have stated that truth, but it is one that ought to be revisited at least once a day if not shortly there after, for the reason that we believe we arrive well before we actual have. Even when we arrive to an understanding of ourselves or of the circumstance we still really have not arrived, at least in my perspective. I am considering the words of the Apostle Paul when he stated that, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." (1 Cor. 13:12) There will be a day I believe with great conviction that I will know fully as I am known fully by God my Lord, Savior, and Creator.

The uncertainty of this life has proved itself once again of a young man leaving this world in an manner that was peaceful, but sudden. It happen sudden and unpredictable, nevertheless the life that was lived was not in vain, nor did the persons toil come to an utter end, the end of the persons toil is lay before us in his legacy in the foundations that was laid upon the Rock, who is Jesus our Lord. My heart and prayer concerts that of those most effected by this sudden tragedy. 

I state the previous antidote for a purpose of a story I was told a few days removed from today. The story is of a lady that reached the Heavenly places and found herself quilted her life story among others one day in heaven. Then an Angel was passing by and ask to see what she has done and to see if it was completed to present to the Master. The lady was ashamed for her quilt was ragged and had holes in it, and not matter what she did she could not cover up those holes. She was also fearful (in heaven..) due to that the others quilts were made with gold threads, sliver, and precious colors. The Angel insisted in seeing despite her protest. He held it up, her eyes fell with shame, but what she heard was gasps of awe and wonderment. When she raised her head she saw that those holes she could not cover up or fix, the face of Christ filled the holes. Not only did He fill them, He face radiated the quilt beyond compare. The Angel replied to the lady, the Master will be well pleased with this quilt, take courage and hope for He is truly your all in all.

This story spoke to me of God's provision of His Son to help me fill the holes in my life when I can not do it myself, which is about everyday. It is a story of hope, a story to tell us that faith is required of us each day no matter how bumpy or non bumpy or road is at that moment. For in my life I lose hope, lose faith, lose perspective for I get caught up in the attempting to fixing one hole and then see another hole appear and try to fix it at the same time. I guess you can say it is like playing twister by yourself and your spinning the dial to see what color you ought to touch next. Wow! We would never do such a thing in the game for it is impossible, but the contrary is true if we step back in trying to fix the holes in our own power, but rely on His to aide to fix matters that we could never. I am not saying we ought to become lethargic in this approach we are to be active of our actions, but the Lord will help change hearts, change situations, change perspective as we surrender to His will. 

I am convince that these holes that appear in our quilts is merely the trials of life. Some are larger than others due to us involving only ourselves to fix them verses those that are smaller due to that we saw it fit to seek God's aide on the onset on the initial tear. I know for a fact I will have some large holes to come, but I hope that I will see my folly quicker and again surrender to the Master craftsman to aide to the repair of this beautiful quilt that one day will be on display for all of the Kingdom to see His face instead of mine. 

Unforgettable...

Well I have been putting this post off for to long now. It is another review of a previous year that went better than I expected, but had those reliable hip-cups in life. Where to start lets go to the blessed points, then the not so blessed well as of yet... (these are not in any particular order)

Blessed....

1. New direction in working towards of being a steward of a business - Coffee House Style.

2. Ministry to the young men and women has been a blast at CFA.

3. Church life has been awesome, seeing a healthily model strive to serve the Kingdom

4. Settled on attempting a Master's in Christian Ed./maybe a Master of Business, one thing at a time.

5. Having family attending Church with me, this stokes me every Sunday. 

6. Connecting with old friends and hearing of their journey.

7. Having a mentor to help guide in life

8. Learning what is means to prudent, wow what a lesson I am learning

9. Friendships growing every day, I am a blessed man for those friends.

10. Growing in Fatah, an area I struggle

Not so Good....

1. Not in full-time youth ministry, God directs even when it is not your plan.

2. The elusive full-time gig

3. Losing friends.

4. Death in the family

5. No where limit the bleeding of debt.

6. The elusive lady friend... God bring her quickly...

Well it is sweet to see that the blessed is out weighing the not so good. I am seeing this unfolding this year is already not going how I envisioned it. I guess that is a good thing, for my plans might not really survive the test of time. I am excited in what God is doing in me at the moment, though is a bit painful, but it's implications will be for the betterment of where He is leading. I look forward to expounding on my difficulties and blessed moments as this year unfolds. Until then enjoy that cup of Joe and live in community. 

Like Father, Like Son

There was a movie many moons ago when I was a pre-teenager called Like Father, Like Son. It stared Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron (1987). The plot of the movie was a gender switch of Freaky Friday. Well the movie portrayed both characters as the dad being a stuffy doctor and the son being lazy and unmotivated (sound like any modern day family). The story unfolds to describe both the father and son as they begin to understand each other through their particular struggles each face as a professional and a student. I remember watching it and thinking if only my dad could understand who I am and what I am about. To be honest, I did not want to know truly who he was or about, for at the time, like most pre-teenagers was at odds with pops. Be that as it may, fast forward 21 years later, just a bit over 2 decades I have realized in one conversation with my father that we are so much more alike then I ever had imagine.

The similarities range from personality, to personal experiences in school, to how we process information. I was listening to my father I was chuckling inside and out loud of the things he experience in his youth, and thought I am replaying deja vu moments of my youth. At that moment I thought how weird is this that a man I knew, but barely knew as a kid, developed the same walk of life. It is also not a surprise on the other hand, for we truly in many respects become like our parents whether good or bad. I think all we can do is hope that we take the good and discard the bad or change the elements to allow us to become more effective citizens of the Kingdom of God.

I remember growing up and in my 20's that my aim was to divorce myself from all that my father was in personality, character, person and etc., but as I sit here and type these words, I am believing how wrong were my thoughts. God knitted me specifically in my mother's womb with the DNA make-up of my parents to create a one of kind person in me (thank God that mold is done with.. lol). For I a product of the specific details of my parents in genetics as well in how they handle life as it was work out in front of me.

Now what is generally the question most will ask, well for me, I am going to be doing what I know what I am to do, but this insight illuminates more of how God crafted me and why I was born into the family I was, though I dislike the painful experiences, but I am becoming grateful for the family I am part of for from it I came to be and the man I am becoming.

I hope this personal anecdote helps bring in perspective we are mirror representations of our parents, whether good or bad we ought to embrace that God purposely placed us in that place for reasons greater than us. At least that is where I am with it.

Riding a Llama spiting you in the eye...

How can you ride a llama allowing it spit you in the eye and still fight those giraffes that charging at you? Ever feel like you are in a place in life where you have been dealt a llama to ride, a creature that spits, and possibly in your eye, and the things that are attacking you are giraffes. Why a giraffe cause there are odd animal that you would never suspect of having the ability or capability to attack you. A very weird but provoking thought, that the least likely link in our armor in life is our greatest weakness.

We spend countless of minutes, hours, days and even years to suppose ideas that we have assured our defenses from allowing ourselves from experiencing any surprising onslaughts of circumstances, deception, and anything we may not for see. For what? Have we not learned in thousands of years and beyond that we have very little control over this life we live. It can be summed up to or taken to its lost common factor, which is Pride. Pride keeps up on our balls of our feet to make plans of defense and then a counter attack for offense so that we seemed to be protected from all things that may disillusionment into our lives. Pride keeps us from admitting how hopeless we really are in not being able to control the world around us. A self-abasement, self-centered, self-conceited Pride will kill us and bring havoc into our lives as well as others.

Why this rant and rave about Pride, it is due to pride I have lost much in my life. Pride in thinking that I am the savior to my own problems. Pride in my own finite wisdom. Pride in that what I offer in only offered by me alone.

The reversal of this fact is that no one, and even myself has to stay seated on a llama that spits in your eye and is taking you towards giraffes as they attack you. Cause as stupid an idiotic as that statement is, we have a choice. How will you choose? How will I choose? The chose is simple, choose to Love as God Loves... But hard to do, for we are so full of ourselves.

I have been reminded this week that from news of my niece that is been diagnosed as being deaf. A child I most likely will never know due to pride in my life and the pride of others. A child that was born into a world of self-absorb people, like you and me, and is deaf because of the pride of life... that was committed thousands of years ago by our forefather and foremother. The thorn in our flesh that plagues all humankind, not one person is immune. Except for one in our own history, His name is Jesus the Nazarene. The only person that can right the wrongful act of pride that (sin) that leads farther from our Sustainer.

Maybe it is beneficial for us to ride on a llama that spits in our eye as we are being attack by giraffes....

Thoughts of Transititon

I must admit my last post was a bit emo, but it was where my heart was for the past months. I will state that this God just does not allow us to stay at one place to long, at least this my experience. This past Sunday is one of those moments, the message was on our true identity that comes from God.

The point that stood the most to me was that the only image we ought to be concern with is becoming the image of the creator, for it is His image we are design to be like. Though I am still perplex why is so hard to be in His image? I understand for a theological standpoint that sin plays a major role in our defiance of being in His image. Question... if we are a new creation in His son, why do many of us struggle with living as this new creation?

Most God-fearing people read the bible, pray, serve and worship with what they got to give the Lord of Hosts, but still fight desperately to not be the old man. Is it simple so we can fully understand his grace? Or is it much simpler than that. Meaning does God just want us to set our mind each and every day to live in His image. To write this is sounds so simple, but the sense of the old man still lurks within my mind, how does one eradicated it? Maybe for many of us that deal with this it is our thorn in our flesh.

I know I am going to make each day a day that I consciencely choose to become more like Christ so that I am not consumed with how I could be from a past of destruction. I must admit it is odd for a person that has been educated in theology and been a believer for over 15 yrs, to admit this struggle, but I assume that I am not the only one that is a minister that struggles with this, and beyond that most laypersons as well. I pray that God speaks to your heart and restores within you a spirit of strength not timidity.

I am alive in Christ Jesus our Lord!!!!

Thoughts Made Bare

Baring ones innermost thoughts is something people just do not do for just any cause. This especially true of me at least. The issues that I have and deal with on a daily basis I do not broadcast for all to hear or comment about. I think for the simple reason I am afraid of what others might really think of me after they see the muck and mire I walk through each day. I long to connect with others that understand the pain that certain triggers or shall I say sayings from people, from the media, and from songs that invoke a ringing of a chime in my mind. This chiming is general not so quiet it usually loud and long bringing me to a point of frustration or a state of melancholy.

Others in this vast world face various issues that bring to a place of flight or fight. Preferring to take the road of least resistance I run more than I face. The comical aspect of running you never run away from yourself, so if that is true you never run away from the issues that you need to deal with so that your experience in this life can be enriched and be to some level of fulfilling. By now you may be wondering are not a professing believer in Christ Jesus? My answer is Yes! This fact does not take away pain that is deeply seeded within my existence. I am not just rambling for the sake of it, these thoughts are connected to a reoccurring theme, if you will, that is presenting itself to me for myself to change the past from becoming the future.

Here is my heart bare...

The pain is real, it aches to my deepest core but the words are loss in mix of turmoil. I know nothing of having a Father. I know who my father is, but have no knowing of what a Father is or even looks like. This lack of knowing affects my view of God the Father. It taints a correct correlation of who God the Father is and should be in my life. With that said, let me move to why my soul aches to share... There is a song entitled, "Cats in the Cradle and the Sliver Spoon". Written some 30 years ago. I have probably heard this song more times than I can remember. When I was 17ish I remember going to a midweek bible study at my church in Fontana, where the Pastor was speaking of the role of the father in the family. He played that song by Harry Chapin. At that moment I made the connection of what that song really meant. I remember praying that I did not want to become like my own father, due to that song was true in my relation to my father. Not that he was away on business trips, it was simply once I became older he just did not know how to connect, so he disconnected. Not to say either we did not speak, the relation was this: my father = parent + myself = son/child = guardian relation. What I mean the relationship was despondent to a relation of him being caretaker and not much else. When there was a need, he try to meet it, and when there was not a need there was a disconnect. I thought this was normal for all kids to have with their fathers. As I grew older the further our relationship grew apart. I must state my upbirnging was not always so drab, it had moments of sunshine.

This issue that I face is that I am afraid of becoming like my father. Just like the song states the son becomes like the father in many ways, in the same likeness I have become like my father. And this truth... leaves me asking why have I. Is it because I must endure the pain to break this link in this families history? Is it due to my lack of understanding of God's grace? Is it due I am weaker than I am strong? This fact keeps me interlocked into not pursuing a relationship that would eventually lead to a marriage then a family. Please do not misunderstand me I do not place blame on my father for my own actions, his actions has caused me to endeavor this plight. I am the only one that can surrender this course (my will) unto the the Almighty Father to steer me onto the right course.

It seems that when the times I have heard this song that has invoke strong feelings it has been at times when my dad and I have been in the same vicinity. In fact, it came on earlier this week when he and myself were fixing a problem I had with the radio in my car. It just got me to think am I truly reversing the issue that has plagued me. I wish I could answer with a solemn yes, but the truth is the closer I get to the point of breaking free I slip further back. Well that is at least how it feels. I pray for God's guidance to help me weave through the mire to understand what actions I must take to overcome my fear.

I long to be a Godly husband, a Godly father, a Godly man but I wonder is there a chance that I will become all that is expected of me.

This is my heart, bare, vulunerable, scared, but hopeful it will end with me.

Well if you have never heard the this song here is a link to see Harry Chapin play it live and give the reason in shy he wrote it. I echo his last remarks.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jLzMw5hKoVk

Is there One Image or is There Two?

Image is everything for all people; this statement might be ambiguous due to the nature of the repetition of this topic. The truth is that humanity as a whole seeks to find it image in various ways from the western ideal of the "pursuit of happiness" to understanding ones role with a tribal community in Papa New Guinea. Image is what humanity uses to explain its place in this vast world of diverse cultures. The question is why comment on the idea of image, reason being I was reading about the Colossae Church and came upon this quote, "we share in Christ's image, when we belong to Him." (Paul & His letters, Polhill, p. 341) This statement for Christians that follow after His teachings this is a very true statement. Believers are encouraged by the Apostle Paul to become imitators of Christ (Eph. 4:1). Likewise John wrote his 3^rd letter, 3:11, states that believers out to chose to imitate good rather than evil, for those that claim to be followers of God and do evil do not know or see Him.

In not dragging out this idea image here is an example: if a person that portrays themselves as an athlete, the person dresses in cut off shirts, sport shorts, cross training shoes, and looks like the just workout or going too eventually. But that is just a look or better said an appearance of an athlete, but the testing of the validity of this identity is in knowing the persons actions. Actions are the tell tale sign of if a person is truly what they appear to be. With that said, is being an athlete the person's true image or identity? How does a person determine their image? It can be said that an athlete can find identity in being an athlete, if this is the only identity they find. Most of the time there is a duality to their image, there is the athlete and there is the essence of the person: i.e. - personality, character, intelligence and etc. There appears to more than just one identity in one person if we are to compartmentalize all these aspects. How then can a person be of one image/identity and still be a whole person?

This line of thinking started with the above quote of sharing in Christ's image. What struck me about this statement when I broke it down is there might be two images that humanity has been given. First, in Genesis 1:26 God said, "let's make man in our image" so man was made in the image of God. Second, is for believers that have surrender their life unto Christ as He becomes Lord, they assume the image or identity of Christ. Can this image of God be the same of the identity of Christ? The answer is yes to those that are living sacrifices unto Jesus. Another question arises, is there any distinction between a generic image of God to an image in Christ Jesus? I believe there is a difference, but the same God that allows the rain to fall upon the just and the unjust. When God created man was perfect and bares the perfect of image of God. Then man fell and lost that perfect image of God, so in essence humanity carries partial of the image of God, but the image is deficient due to the sin nature of mankind. Therefore, when a person is called into repentance and receives forgiveness of their sins, the once broken, the once partial image/identity is being made whole again and will be perfected the day all followers of Christ are united with their Lord and King.