Remebering When....

There are moments in time when memories surface some funny, some sad, and some you think why in the world did that happen, or what was I thinking. Well tonight as I was watching for I do not know the 36th time, the movie Colors. If you have not seen it is was a movie in the late 80's or early 90's that dealt with the issue of gangs in L.A. Well what spark the momentary flashback, was the seen when one of the young men wanted to be jumped into his Neighborhood set or known as the barrio. I remember when I was approached to join a gang in the 9th grade. Yes this white boy was ask to join a Latino gang. Prior to this request I was apart of little group called a posse, so I had somewhat of a reputation, not one of great proportions, but some knew me. Well I remember when I said sure why not, what do I have to lose, I was looking for friends, a group to belong to. My initiation was like most gangs at that time you get jumped in. Basically you fight 3 or more guys to prove you can hold your own. Stupid, yes, but other cultures have other rights of passages to that you might think are stupid, nevertheless people do them to have a sense of belonging and achieving status within that group. We can discuss the sociological and psychology of this later. There I was in the guys restroom at Alder Jr. High taking on 3 guys throwing punches, pushing guys off me, being thrown into the stalls. It was a melee for about 2 minutes or so, I remember all I was doing smiling and laughing thinking wow is this all what there is to this. So at the end of it, I now belong to a set in little ol' Fontana. Really what was I thinking? Why didn't just join a sports team to belong? I came from a middle-class family at that time. I lived in a nice neighborhood. So why? What was the pull to that life? How could I be so selfish and endanger my family? Well to answer those questions, I look back and really didn't care at that moment if I did endanger my family, if I was being selfish. The pull was I look up to those guys that where in my classes, in my school, in my neighborhoods. I wanted to be like them, I did not want to be like my own family. What was the point they were selfish, meaning my parents. Always wanting things there way and I do not mean how they wanted chores done in the house. In how the related with each other and us kids. So I thought I be selfish as well. When one day I saw that what I needed to do for the set I belong to could one day harm my sisters, ones that I did care about, I decided to back out. Well if anyone knows something about gangs you just simply just do not walk away. Thankfully that the set I was apart of was still small and new it had no real structure to carry out discipline upon its members. though they did jump me to have me not "rank out" or back down for the set. But I was able to walk away without any repercussions. 

Why blog about this time in life? The reason is my past is riddle of moments in which I have try to fit into other crowds of people to feel a sense of belonging. I never had that sense when I was growing up in my home. Yeah I knew I belonged for I was a son and there were parents, but never felt that there was solidarity in the family. Do you know what I mean? Now  fast forward 18 years that sense still exists today with some family members. Mostly in regards to my mother. Most tell me she is your mom, you need to love her and honor her, for that is God command to you. I hear that, but I just don't see how I can honor someone that is not worth honoring. I know that sounds harsh, but if one could watch the film tapes on her behavior and actions one can conclude what I have concluded. I am really struggling in this area, for I want to but it is hard. Most likely due to a harden heart that does not want to be hurt anymore. But seriously it has been 7 years since I spoke with her. The reason being is that she still harbors ill feelings towards my father and kept bringing us children into the middle of those feelings. I said until she deals with those feelings and seeks reconciliation with my father, not in marriage for she has remarried, but forgives and seeks forgiveness I am going to stop all communications. Well I have live by my words and stood by a principle that many have question and I do at times. I am asking should I reach out again? Should I reach out and keep the same context as before? Should I just let her be and let God move her to reconcile relationships with my father... with me? I am just lost in drowning thoughts... What a way to start a fresh new year, huh? I just feel at this moment in time I never really was apart of my mothers community. 

Understanding my draw through the Curves...

It has been a long while since I have posted something, this post will be connected to the last on community. As a graduate removed about a year or so, I have been in a place where I have been asking a lot of questions from: Why in the world am I not able to live on my own?; Why is it hard to find a newer job where I can make descent money? Where are you God? Can I continue down this road? When am I going to find that special woman? When am I going to get ahead?... There is a list that could gone for a long, long, long time in a galaxy far away from here, but I won't bore you all with those. Have you notice a theme in those questions (questions that wrong to ask, but it is the tone I have been asking them in towards people and towards our Lord Jesus), it is all about ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME....

I realize this not a shock to any of my close friends, for they can tell you when I am all about me, and not much else. Though I try hard not to make it about me, but at the end of the day, it is about me and my selfish wants.

What does this have to do with understanding my draw? What is your draw Mike? Well I am about to tell you, first my draw is to the Heart of God, "the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;" Ps. 19:8

This is what has allowed me to come to this conclusion this far, and I tell you honestly if God allowed to be a pit viper I would be dead by now... I have had a passion for youth for a long time, probably since I was in high school, I knew then I wanted to work with students, did not how or in what manner. Then my 20's hit, man they were a blur, like a 1960's acid trip party, where did they go. Around my mid twenties I sense I had a passion for College age students as well, maybe I was just graduating with those high schoolers, maybe not. Then as God would have it, he brought me to a place a small place in a Upland area, where I can see now that God started to reveal more of what it is I am to do. Simply and shortly put... Family Ministry, Youth, and College. Why? Well If anybody has read one of my first posts, they can assume that my life as a child suck, it did mostly. I have always wonder what a normal family was like, or as normal as we can make it, but a better statement is thus, what is true community, how does this play out in Church, Society, and individuals. There is no place more essential then a family to understand as parents, children, young adults, mature adults, relatives of all kinds, fictive included how community it lived out.

It is in these settings that followers of Jesus Christ, aka Christians, should, need to, have no choice, better do it, or else, display community. I know your mind is racing with: what does this look like, how is this done, how does the larger Church play in this role, etc... I am not saying I have any answers, for in myself I have no wife, nor children I am raising, but what I am saying is that I understand this is the target group in which my focus will be on. I do know that as I humble myself before the Lord, He will direct my path in how to discover answers to people's questions, and even the ones I have.

I am grateful for the many brethren that have help formed and shaped me into the man I am today, I know without that community of brethren I am could not be here today typing this blog in this fashion. So if any of you are reading this, THANK YOU for giving to the Lord, in which was given to me. Wow I have said a lot, that is what I get for not posting in along time. The adventure began 32 years ago, and it is still on going, I am looking forward to what is in store.

I leave with this... " In a Christian community everything depends upon whether each individual is an indispensable link in a chain. Only when even the smallest link is securely interlocked is the chain unbreakable." Dietrich Bonhoeffer, from Life Together

Community

Just last night I had over some close friends of mine and we had some dinner and some good conversations. I must say that if I could do this twice to three times a week, I would do it in a heart beat. It is amazing what good food and great company can do for the souls of many. Especially when there is a kindred spirit from all parties. Helping to create an environment for such things to occur is definitely a gift that I am learning that I have. Maybe that is why I am draw to opening a Coffee House/Bistro.

Well I titled this post on community for this simple purpose we are meant to have deep relation connections which each other and there is no better way to bring that into focus with a home cook meal that allows relationships to transcend through the ambiance. I little note must be said here that a portion of the people from last night are close friends from out-of-state, they are family not just friends. I have learned from them that relationships are built in close encounters such as a lunch at a person's home or dinner. Go figure when we want to go out and eat and try to duplicate such close intimacy of family and friend's.

Community is a important aspect of all humankind, it is built into our innate DNA, so I encourage you all to try it yourself and see the results and see how those relations develop deeper. When it was recorded in Acts when the disciples broke bread and had fellowship there was a deep connection for they realized that they needed each other to continue on in faith, for apart from it they would utterly fail on their own attempts. Yes, you might be saying there are other implications of such an example of Christian fellowship, and you are right. But remember this if we are reaching out into this world and being that light what better way to live life and rub shoulders and develop deeper connections with those who we are witnessing to if not in your home over a meal or dessert labored in love to shower them with the Good News of the Gospel. Just saying we have abandoned, me included, this priceless gift of serving others to allow a connection to be made for the sake of our innate need of community.

I hope this post is not to disjointed in this idea, I am convinced more and more that community is so needed in this age of modern technology and impersonal relationships.